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Posts Tagged ‘Blog Challenge

I have limped through this week.  My body seems to be in full protest, of what I do not know.  My tonsils are inflamed and my nose is blocked (causing me to snore like a train at night, poor DH) I have a slight temperature with flu-like symptoms, a tooth that has been behaving for years has been sore sore sore for the last few days, my IBS is creating havoc with my insides, I still have some dark brown discharge (sorry TMI) after AF, and a niggly pain on my left side. Oh and a mole I have had in a very private place (sorry TMI again) seems to suddenly be more raised and noticeable.  I haven’t been able to sleep thinking about what this means.  Considering that I am planning my IVF in two months, do I get the tooth removed ?  What if it becomes infected during the TWW, does this send my NK cells into overdrive.  And what about the mole?  Do I see a dermatologist ?  You would think after all the hours I have spent on a gynecologist’s table, I would’ve reached a stage where I didn’t care but I reeeeeeely CANNOT handle another person poking around in my nether regions.  I cannot bear the thought of anything delaying my next IVF.  But I also don’t want to shoot myself in the foot, especially since this next IVF will be my second and FINAL attempt at having my own baby. 

I’ve been counting the days till the weekend, when I can have some time to myself, relax, take a deep breath and figure out what to do. So you can imagine my frustration when my mum called me at 8AM this morning to say she wants to go to the mall tomorrow.  She saw these gold bangles that are half price and wants to snap them up before they are sold out.  This means I will either have to drive back and forth between her house and mine all weekend OR spend all weekend with her – in which case I won’t be spending any time at my house.  So at 8am this morning, I was sitting at my desk at work crying, and when DH called I just cried even more.  DH says I should talk to my mum and that she is becoming too dependent on me.  But I am so nervous to bring up anything that may hurt her, she is still so fragile and cries at the drop of a hat.  Guess my weekend of vegetating just went out the window 😦 

Anyway, enough complaining and back to the May Challenge – here are answers to Days 3 and 4.   Tomorrow I will have caught up and can revert to one answer a day.

Day 3:
What is in your handbag ?

OMG, my bag is a crazy mess at the moment.  I’m one of those people who lives out of my bag.  Here goes.

First, a little compartment at the side which has breath mints and antacids.

The main section has the following :

  • Wallet
  • A little vanity case with lipstick, lipliner, two types of lipgloss, face powder, labello, a mini nailclipper, mascara and eyeliner ( don’t be fooled, I’m don’t actually know what to do with these things.  I’ve always wanted to be one of those women who have flawless skin/make-up/hair/dress but I just can’t quite get it right.  I just don’t have the energy for it.  And quite honestly I would rather sleep an extra 15 minutes than get up early to do my hair)
  • Hairbrush
  • A pack of tissues
  • Deodorant
  • Phone charger
  • Hand cream
  • Sunglasses
  • A new pack of nail files I have yet to use
  • An just for today, my iPOD.

The little compartment on the outside has my house keys, earphones and memory stick.  And a little autograph of Chris Gayle (West Indian cricket legend) *stars in my eyes*  who I had the pleasure of meeting a while ago.
Day 4:
Besides Mothers Day, what is the hardest holiday for you as an infertile?

For some reason Mother’s Day is not really difficult for me.  What I dread is my birthday.  I have never been sensitive about my birthday.  I freely reveal my age, and most times people are surprised as they assume that I am younger.  But turning 35 last year was horrendous.  I was already emotional as DH had decided 2 months earlier that we didn’t have enough money for another IVF and expected me to “just move on” with my life.  I had sort of chosen 35 as a line in the sand, I always thought that I would stop ttc if I wasn’t pg by then.  Now I have another birthday coming up.  I never thought that I would be 36 and still childless.  Now my birthday is a day when all my failures come to haunt me.  I really do feel like the best part of my life is behind me. Somebody recently even guessed my age to be 38 (boy did wanna deck the d*ckbrain!). 

This year will also be my first birthday without my dad.  I will so miss his quirky sms’s (may your problems be “little ones”) his awkward hugs, and his dimpled smile.


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