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The Story In A Nutshell

1976 – Sunny makes her way into the world (err why am I referring to myself in the third person ??!!)

Cut to 1998 – Meet an amazing man.  After a few years of circling each other (like a bull and a fighter in an arena) we get our act together. (ps, he’s the bull hehe)

2002 – Move in with the man of my dreams and we buy our first house together a few months later.

2005 – A routine check-up shows ovarian cyst.  Have a lap to aspirate and Dr discovers that both my tubes are blocked and I will never be able to conceive naturally.  Not too phased at this stage I have never really wanted or particularly liked children.  And much too busy planning my wedding.

Dec 2005 – Married.  I am actually a “Mrs” 🙂

Aug 2006 – Buy and move into our 2nd home – life is beautiful.

12 Jan 2007 – A day that changed my life forever, a day I wish I could undo – DH and I decide to look after a relative’s kid just for the weekend.  He has never left.

June 2008 – I turn 32 and somebody flips a switch in a my body.  From now on, all I hear is the ticking of my biological clock.  Every baby brings a tear to my eye.  Every pregnant woman sends a stake through my heart.  I want a baby and I want one now !!  Unfortunately, DH not interested.

Aug 2008 – App with  #1, a cold heart bastard who makes me feel like an idiot.  I vow never to return.

June 2010 – Finally get DH to realise that this is not going away, I am serious and he comes with me to his first ever appointment with FS #2 – Dr Chatterbox.  Bilateral ovarian cysts.  Laparoscopy and possible laparotomy scheduled for Nov.

Oct 2010 – shocking results of tests.  FSH high.  Premature ovarian failure.  At age 34 I am going into menopause 😦  Ay suggestion of Dr Chatterbox, abandon all plans of surgery, go straight to IVF.  And by the way, DH is pronounced as being “perfect” – reproductively speaking off course!

Nov 2010 – my amazing parents offer to GIVE us the money and IVF #1 is all systems go !  I’m going to be a mum!!!

17 Dec 2010 – The day after my 5th anniversary and a sad day. BFN.  I should have known it would not be so easy.  DH even more devastated than I am, I have to console him.  His plan – IVF # 2 in April when more funds are available.

April 2011 – DH’s car breakdown.  We have it repaired using most of our funds.  And due to work, we have to get a second car.  So I am proudly the owner of a new car, sadly not yet a mother.  DH loses interest yet again and refuses to even speak of IVF.

May 2011 – Spend all of this month crying, angry and very very resentful.  Is it really going to end this way ?!!? Am I really not going to get another shot at this ?!?!?

June 2011 – F*CK IT !!  I’m doing this on my own.  Another appointment with Dr Chatterbox.  Plan IVF #2 in Dec – now to get my hands on that money in 6 months !

Aug 2011 – WOW – my folks offer to pay half of IVF #2 – how blessed am I ?!?

28 Sep 2011 – The most devastating day of my life – my sweet, gentle, loving, most amazing dad suffers a massive heart attack and passes on in his sleep.  I am gutted.  My family in shock.  What is the purpose of life now ?  All TTC completely shelved.

Jan 2012 – As my shock and grief slowly dissipate, I get that old feeling again.  If I couldn’t give my dad the joy of being a grandfather (how my heart breaks just writing that) then surely I can give my mum a taste….  Start eating healthy again.  I’m going to make this work !  I’m going to give this family something to smile about again.

Feb 2012 – financially half way to IVF #2 – a few more months….

March 2012 – my mother – no words to describe her – is splitting some of her retirement funds with my brother and I.  I suddenly have enough money for IVF #2 !!!!!!!!!!  Appointment with Dr Chatterbox.  All seems well, NO MORE CYSTS!!!  On DHEA for two months and then IFV # 2!

April 2012 – my marriage in trouble.  Not sure what the next step is.

May 2012 – IVF postponed to July as FS will be out of town.  Which suits me just fine as I have a new job 🙂

ps. Just realised, this “nutshell” is pretty darn big 😉  Thanks for sticking with it if you did!


3 Responses to "The Story In A Nutshell"

I am so sorry for you loss (hugs)

You have come such a long way, hang in there. When are you doing IVF #2

IVF#2 is planned for June/July – not much time. But with all going on I’m really not sure how to proceed. I do know that I still want a baby of my own. But how I am going to achieve that is byond me right now. And this stress is going to kill me 😦 Imagine the impact on a IVF cycle.

Take you time, you have been through a lot and when you do the IVF that’s the only thing you want to focus on. I am also hoping and praying to start our DE IVF during that time as the waiting just kills me …

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